Sunday, October 28, 2007


This was a good weekend. We managed to find some time to have fun. I have continued my drywalling work upstairs. Difficult at best if you are new at it. I am finishing the master bedroom and have about 30% to go. Then when all is sanded down and baby smooth comes painting. Have to apply primer and then finish coat. It is a lot of hard work.

We decided that the Master bedroom will be baby blue. The girls room will be a light pink. Boys room will be a deeper blue, with trains as a theme.

My path towards becoming mormon has been slowed by intense work and home. I rarely find the time to do any reading, or even listening.

I am trying to get my D&C on my MP3 player so I can listen while I work, but of course, I lost the software for it. Calling Creative Labs this week to fix that. I figure if I can learn while I work I can make progress again.

Now the good news, aside from a baby on the way, is my wife MIGHT be willing to make some compromises in regards to bringing in a Second Wife. I hope to talk to her more about it today whilest we are working.

I know this much. I have been tasked with too much and I have to do something to help. My wife was overwhelmed long ago and I need to rescue her from this. The real question is, in my heart, will she let me do that? Will she let me grow celestially? Will she allow me to help her with a second wife? Will God make this happen?

Wish I could read HIS mind. I ask for your prayers. This is a turning point in our lives and it will either become far better or far worse. May God choose the better path for us. Please, ask him to.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Wow what a week!

Well things improved more business wise. I am looking at potential growth all over. Record sales this month. I hope to expand my company to other areas. I am hoping God brings me the answer I pray for.

Why do I not feel joy? Why am I not feeling happiness? For me, well, I know already a second wife is a sane, logistical, spiritual and morally valid choice. I hope my wife's heart is touched by God in the same way my soul has been touched. I do not think she realizes what she is choosing.

Praying I have someone still to share that joy with. With all that Moses endured, he was blessed with a second wife. I have endured and continue to endure a great deal. Every fiber in my body calls for a second wife. I feel God is almost PUSHING me that way regardless of the currents through which I swim.

I do not understand what God has in mind...but I pray it still includes my wife. Another miracle in my life is that now we have a new child on the way. Ever been struck at exactly the same time with intense joy and intense sadness? I am immensely happy that God has given us another child, but I have trepidation about this child's future and happiness.

That, brothers and sisters, is my life today.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Vacation is over!

Went to North Carolina to see the Pisgah National Forest. Whole family went. We enjoyed camping there. Peace and it was just us.

We did some hiking although with 4 kids there it was not as long as I would have liked...but we all hiked up a mountain trail to a historical graveyard. This was a family graveyard where you saw a mother and a 1 year old who died on the same day. Knowing that kind of makes you remember that it is important to appreciate what you have.

Tempus fugit, memento mori!

On that note I feel considerably better than before. I have now so much on my plate, it is almost impossible to fathom.

I am convinced God wants me to have a second wife. I am now convinced he also has placed this as a learning challenge before me. I am praying I am up to it. I am praying my wife will accept it.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

sinking feeling....

Well things are busy as heck. Just landed another good contract, that makes 2 this month alone. I am finally going to have a company with absolutely no debt! In America today? Who would have thought it possible?

My youngest daughter is walking now. She gives 5 minute hugs. She talks a storm. My older daughters are doing good with school. My sons are growing too fast.

Drywalling project almost done. Worst is over. Now spackling and sanding and painting are all that remain.

I go on short vacation to camp in the fall mountains with family and that is fantastic too!

Only thing is I feel a sinking sort of feeling. I feel a bit depressed. I know, I know, everything looks at face value like it is going ok. I stopped for a bit to 'look inside myself' today and found that although everything else is moving forward and making progress, I AM NOT.

I seek for our family a second wife. It is for spiritual reasons, logistical reasons and logical reasons. It is for my own personal psychology and development too. I wonder if it will happen.

Where is a relationship, without compromise.

So my question to you all is, is there a marriage where one person decides and compromise does not exist? When a relationship is dying for lack of compromise, what can you do to bring that back. I am waning. I am draining. I hope my heart makes it through this.

I feel depressed.