Vacation is over!

Went to North Carolina to see the Pisgah National Forest. Whole family went. We enjoyed camping there. Peace and it was just us.

We did some hiking although with 4 kids there it was not as long as I would have liked...but we all hiked up a mountain trail to a historical graveyard. This was a family graveyard where you saw a mother and a 1 year old who died on the same day. Knowing that kind of makes you remember that it is important to appreciate what you have.

Tempus fugit, memento mori!

On that note I feel considerably better than before. I have now so much on my plate, it is almost impossible to fathom.

I am convinced God wants me to have a second wife. I am now convinced he also has placed this as a learning challenge before me. I am praying I am up to it. I am praying my wife will accept it.

sinking feeling....

Well things are busy as heck. Just landed another good contract, that makes 2 this month alone. I am finally going to have a company with absolutely no debt! In America today? Who would have thought it possible?

My youngest daughter is walking now. She gives 5 minute hugs. She talks a storm. My older daughters are doing good with school. My sons are growing too fast.

Drywalling project almost done. Worst is over. Now spackling and sanding and painting are all that remain.

I go on short vacation to camp in the fall mountains with family and that is fantastic too!

Only thing is I feel a sinking sort of feeling. I feel a bit depressed. I know, I know, everything looks at face value like it is going ok. I stopped for a bit to 'look inside myself' today and found that although everything else is moving forward and making progress, I AM NOT.

I seek for our family a second wife. It is for spiritual reasons, logistical reasons and logical reasons. It is for my own personal psychology and development too. I wonder if it will happen.

Where is a relationship, without compromise.

So my question to you all is, is there a marriage where one person decides and compromise does not exist? When a relationship is dying for lack of compromise, what can you do to bring that back. I am waning. I am draining. I hope my heart makes it through this.

I feel depressed.

letting things settle...

I have taken your advice and the advice of a close friend and decided to take this whole process slow. I am taking extra care and time in showing my wife how much I love her and how important she is in my life.

I am praying that she realizes she could never be replaced. I am sure she knows I love her. I am hoping that she realizes a second would not change that in any way other than to strengthen our relationship even more than it is now.

I am trying to be patient and praying almost daily for her understanding. I love her. She loves me. God please touch her with understanding.

rocks and bumps

Wow, well my first wife and I have had a good turn of luck this week. We are renovating the house. We were awarded a grant that will make this 1885 house up to date in energy respects. This means new windows, gas water heater, up to date insulation and more. This is huge.

I have read your comments. They were mostly helpful.

I have to learn patience. I will continue to express love to my first wife and pray for God's help.

I have to follow my faith. Perhaps it is a lesson in patience that God is trying to teach me.

I have never been a patient man. It is one of my weaknesses.

I love my first wife. The people asking me why I need/want a second wife do not comprehend or know of the Principle. To first wives out there...keep good advice coming. I am an unusual husband....I can actually listen!

rocky road

It has been a difficult week. My wife has had serious second thoughts regarding my faith and my quest for achieving the Principle.

I lost the person who I was engaged to. She, rightfully, left the scene when confronted by my first wife.

I hope this will pass. I fear it will not. I love her deeply. I pray she accepts me for who I am. On the one hand I love my wife. On the other hand, her action just ended an engagement.

God, please help me through the difficult times in my life.

Hard work and a future

Well I have been working hard on home improvement. With a concensus now amount the first wife, the second wife candidate and myself, we now have a mission plan that is viable and attainable. The resources are not as solid as I would like, but then that is one of my jobs to fix. I am head of household and an engineer. I will be working on that part.

OK, gads, is there any doubt from that first paragraph that I have a military background? LOL.

I have to hang drywall. I have to re-wall the upstairs bedrooms and ceilings. The challenge is not too great. When the work is completed we will be ready to rent our house here out. The intent is to purchase a new home farther north. It will be far larger and more able to absorb our family, with 6 bedrooms 3 baths and full basements. It is a duplex. You see, what we have learned is that it is easier to raise a plural family in a duplex. Just take out the center wall...LOL. It will also be easier, when the children have mostly gone to college, to put the wall back up and to rent out the other side.

My faith studies have progressed. I was reviewing the Doctines and Covenants again, since I have come so far, I figured a little review for the sake of context would be a good thing.

I am sure of one thing. Joseph Smith was a real man and a leader. He faced adversity and did not compromise his principle beliefs and listened to what God told him to do. If you say anything about the man, that would be the most important thing. I hope to hear God one day. I have lots of questions, but then I always have been the curious one. I have several questions about my lost son.

Moving forward with God and now, a Plan.

Healing and Growing

It has been a difficult week. Work has been intense. My studies slow going. Mentally today I feel some healing. Hard as it is to believe, even now I mourn the loss of my first son. It is nearly 8 years since he passed and he would be 13 right now had he lived.

I feel the life I have is growing all around me. Spiritually I am growing day by day as I start to see more and more of how God is in my life. The Healing I speak of is clear. Although I miss my son dearly, I have continued to grow and move forward. I feel deeply for those who have not. The big difference is I KNOW in my HEART that he is OK. He is in a better place. This testimony i have is based on what I have experienced with seeing God in my life now and in the lives around me.

For an engineer that lives in a black and white world of engineering facts and principles, that is a pretty big testimony.

I will strive to continue to learn more. I will strive to turn the other cheek, as Jesus did. I will not let the bigotry and flaws of man bother me in my quest to be closer to the Lord, and my son.