The Ramblings of a Plural Man

seeking

2011-03-08T01:36:00.000-06:00

We are seeking to find a person to add to the family.

It is a task that is definitely not easy. We hope to find someone who fits. Always challenging.

I was there all over again

2010-09-06T01:05:00.002-05:00

I just had my first flashback in about 18 years. It was NOT pleasant. My daughter came into my room and found me bathed in sweat and shaking a little. She was scared out of her wits. So was I. Why is this happening now??? It has been YEARS since those dark times. I am REALLY trying to understand. Tomorrow, I go to the VA and I just do not want any drugs.

Greetings from the Midwest

2010-08-26T01:38:00.000-05:00

Well first wife is still not feeling great, but we are working on it.

Vacation is over and it was great!

Going to probably go on cruise with first wife so that I can get some time with her. Health issues and future uncertain have spawned this idea.

With the continuing poor economy, we have managed to grow in spite of taxes and hr issues.

We struggle like everyone else but we are blessed anyway with enough business to stay afloat.

Kids are well. Still searching for an additional wife to make our family rounded and whole. Praying this week especially for it.

God has been good to us and perhaps he will grant this request?

work, wife and family

2010-08-03T07:04:00.000-05:00

I have been careful managing my corporation. We are doing OK. Managed to hire 5 people in the last 6 months. It has been TIGHT. I am giving to my community by creating jobs. I could do a lot of this work myself but then I stopped and thought about those around me. Jobs are scarce. I feel for the less fortunate so I hired.

My journey continues. Children and wife are fine but we are looking still for a new partner to bring in.

It is something I am really praying for. I have beautiful homes and a houseful of happiness. I know we are not going to find someone easily. If you are curious, drop me a message. I know it is awkward, but take a chance!

In the mean time, we are working on expanding our houses but that takes time.

We are indeed blessed, one and all.

His plan?

2010-07-16T01:01:00.000-05:00

What does God have planned for my future wife? i am curiously wondering what he has planned. I hope to find a lady who understands the Gospel and knows how God wants us to live it. I am finally ready.

I feel a bit nervous, but that is normal. I feel that I have taken the right path. I feel that I am ready for whoever the Father chooses.

Living the Principle, in these times, is a challenge to say the least. I feel that I have enough to offer a good woman. God has seen to it.

Now I pray he sends me someone to add to my family.

a long time

2010-07-15T01:41:00.002-05:00

It has been a long time since I posted anything. Been busy hiring and growing the business. Trying, anyway.

I am sure of one thing, i seek a second wife. I do not know where to begin, but I feel ready for that step and I know it is a big one.

Anyone got any good tips?

Fall approaches...

2009-10-18T02:37:00.002-05:00

It was a good summer. Took the ladies and our children out on two vacations. Took the big boat out too. One of my brother in laws showed up and learned to drive the boat. So I took a try on tubing. Wild ride.

Kids had fun too. Swimming and hiking and time with Dad. Moms all had a break since I basically took over on kids.

It was fun. Preparing for winter now.

Our son's headstone was completed and looks good. He is looking out for us.

the stone is to be laid

2009-05-06T17:25:00.002-05:00

Our son will get his headstone. He is next to his brother in a plot that was nearest the railroad track by the cemetary.

Our first son loved trains. When he died we bought plots nearest the tracks. We never thought another child would be there before us.

Anyway, we are getting the stone done this month.

Our recovery continues. Our search for a sisterwife continues too.

economy and more

2009-04-01T00:12:00.002-05:00

Well we are recovering. After losing a son, my wife was depressed, for obvious reasons.

She is doing better now. Morale slowly on the rise. We are doing several things to remember our son. First, a custom headstone. Another idea one of my daughters had was to plant a tree. Her mom also chimed in and agreed this would be a great project for all the children to remember the tiny little brother who passed.

We have to decide what kind of tree to plant. I am asking you for your input out there. Our son was 6 months old when he died. He was a fighter and fought hard to survive.

What kind of tree should be planted? We will be placing a marble stone with his name on it in front of the tree.

sometimes irony just bites you in the butt

2009-02-25T10:07:00.002-06:00

I mentioned how ironic it was that our first son died just a while after we had purchased a house and that we had just built a huge house and now Charles Jr. was struggling.

Well, now that Charles Jr. has passed away, we have decided NOT TO MOVE. Gads, everyone. Each time we move to a new home, we lose a child. What the heck is that?!?!?

So here we stay, if for no other reason than to protect our children.

I know that this is not a rational fear...that moving is not what caused our 2 son's deaths. I am just startled at how irony comes a haunting our lives.

We do not need to move. This house is big enough, especially now that one room is vacant.

wow, things are happening...

2009-02-24T06:18:00.003-06:00

Well things look bleak for the world.

With the loss of our son, we are still recovering. His death hit us completely off guard. He was supposed to be out of the woods. Now he is gone. Seeing his empty car seat when I walked by his room is what cracked my foundation yesterday. I walked into my room and I simply prayed.

I know I will be with him celestially. I my wife is still getting past things. Even anti-depressents have not helped her. She is struggling with it even now. She dreams about him and so do I. I have put her to work on the new office we are finishing. I explained to her that I needed help completing my new engineering office and that I had no one else to turn to. The truth of it is that I need to keep her occupied to get her out of this dark hole she has crawled into. I told her I had to get this office completed so I could produce more income. She has helped me paint and finish walls. By the end of the week, we should be ready to set up desks and move my computers and software in, at least that is the hope!

I am having trouble sleeping.

Financially, we have circled the wagons. I have frozen corporate plans to create any jobs. Instead, I have paid almost all debts off. I am now in a good position to weather the storm. We will, by the end of March, only owe about $5k. Given what we DID owe, this is miraculous. I have to say things have slowed down IMMENSELY. However, as of end of March, my ownly debt will be my home, of which I have paid 42%.

This is my testimony.

For all the lay people out there let me say this....

There is no bottom in sight for the crashing economy. We are headed down for the foreseeable future. The FIRST SIGN of the end of this downturn will be when the housing market bottoms out. I do not see this happening any time soon. We are headed down and the landing will be hard. Put your trays in their upright positions and place your head between your knees with your hands on top of your head...this landing will be rough. My advice? Buy enough food for 3 months for your family. We have (and with all the kids/ladies in our homes you can guess that this is a lot).

The first step to recovery, is banks lending.

the media today...

2009-01-24T11:01:00.002-06:00

I do not trust the media today. Several people have asked that we participate in 'documentaries' and these have ended up being a farce; nothing but slanted. They misled people as to what plural marriage and the Principle are about.

I respectfully decline. I do not know if this most recent request is legitimate or not.

I do know that the credibility of journalism is almost non-existent. After the last election, it is clear that objectivity does not exist.

We have experienced bigotry against us already. Why in the world would I risk more.

If this offer is legitimate I have to say thanks, but the trust with journalists does not exist; we respectfully decline.

Time together and God heals...

2009-01-16T19:33:00.002-06:00

I took the ladies and kids to a hotel near a job site I was on. Has an indoor waterpark. Given that it is subzero OUTSIDE, a good time like this helps.

We are talking about Charles Jr. and we also pray. I know, one day, I will be with him in the Celestial Kingdom. Does little to comfort us now.

For now, we circle the wagons. We stay together as a close family. We grieve together and we talk about Charles Jr.

Pray for our daughter, who watched her brother die. She is only 8.

Unbelievable Sadness!

2009-01-13T01:21:00.002-06:00

Well, there is REAL bad news. Our son, who survived all this and had clear sailing ahead of him, has died.

We were told by the medical exam that they have no idea on his cause of death. I know he passed in his sleep. I woke, he was not breathing. I started CPR after calling 911 and handing the phone to his mom. My wife was hysterical, but CPR was more important at that moment than anything else.

I was told by the EMT's at the hospital that when they arrived he was already gone. To their credit, they tried anyway.

My wife was blaming herself for days even though she clearly did nothing wrong. I was told this was common for mothers who have recently lost children.

We were totally blind sided by this even. Shock was total. We do not know what to say or do.

We now believe that there was a hidden, undetected problem he had and it is what contributed to this.

We appreciate prayers. We are quite upset, especially his Mom and I.

doing GREAT!

2008-11-03T23:37:00.003-06:00

Well our son is doing good and the ladies and kids, as well as myself, are ecstatic.

Our newly built home has been approved! We are getting ready to move in.

Business is OK but market is shaky.

We are paying down all debts. Would rather have created new jobs, but with the market so precarious, we will instead attack our debt. Low overhead is the theme.

Jr. is doing good and steadily gaining weight.

I am REALLY looking forward to moving in.

difficult times that galvanize a family...

2008-09-28T23:48:00.002-05:00

Well, our son is doing OK. I am sorry for not having posted in so long, but I have been stretched thinner than thin. I had a record quarter of business in my company. I have a son who is about 14 weeks old now and has spent at least 10 of those weeks in the hospital due to his heart.

Tomorrow is his big day. They will fix his heart. There are 2 holes in his heart, one in the upper chamber wall (ASD) and one huge one in the lower chamber wall (VSD). The surgeon doing the work is a crackerjack surgeon who has personally performed this operation over 70 times with a batting average of 1.0 meaning she has never ever lost a patient.

Are we scared? YOU BET. Are we sure all that can be done has been done? We are.

I think our son will fare just fine. It is up to the Lord. We can only do our best with what we are given and the rest is his call. I am OK with it.

Now, it is a time for IRONY. When our first son was ill we had just bought our first house. We were updating it when his leukemia. We came home 8 months later...our new home was complete but our son was dead.

This month, we are finishing a new house. We are almost ready to move in except we are in the hospital and surgery is tomorrow. He WILL get to see his house. However, the irony has not slipped past us. We pray to God for success tomorrow.

Pray for Charles Jr. our son. It is a dark time. It is not as dark a time as it was 10 years ago...but difficult times can galvanize the bonds of a family. Ours are rock solid.

Thanks to all of you for your outpouring of support and love. My family (all of them) appreciate it.

a new beginning...

2008-07-13T23:03:00.002-05:00

I have to say new beginnings are always refreshing...

I am happy to say that our son has improved enough to be released. Most tests came back normal with the exception of the thyroid. This is what has caused him almost as much trouble as his heart. He has HYPOTHYROIDISM. Now he is being treated for this and has improved significantly. His jaundice billirubin dropped to a record low of 8. He is now gaining modestly in weight.

What does this mean? Well he has a good chance of living through 6 months to reach his heart surgury age target. Once the surgury is completed he will pretty much be out of the woods. His thyroid will continue to require treatment. However the side effects are minimal and the long term prognosis looks OK.

Thanks to all of you who prayed. Keep praying for him as he still has an uphill fight.

If he makes it, you will all be able to take some credit.

God's will be done, but I hope God's will is what my will is today...to see my son grow old and live a happy life.

Thanks again.

it's been a while...

2008-07-10T09:50:00.003-05:00

Well, to say I am spread thin is an understatement. I am only wishing that there were 2 of me to get done what I have on my plate.

Today I am going to tell you about public, business and family events.

Public first...that one is EASY. The children were released by the Texas Court of Appeals. There was no evidence of abuse at the YFZ Ranch and now, FINALLY, the law is being followed.

WITH ONE EXCEPTION! There are no prosecutions or investigations of CPS law breaking. C'mon folks! If you took away someone's children unlawfully, would you not be prosecuted??? If you lied to a judge (even WAcKy WaLTheR) would you not be prosecuted for PERJURY?????

Where are the indictments? Where are the Grand Juries being held for the CPS Gestapo actions? I can tell you. IT ISN'T HAPPENING!

Equal Justice Under the Law MEANS NOTHING IN TEXAS! Texans are known for their spirit and love of Freedom. Now, they are known for one famous line: "It's not my problem."

Business:
Well being in the state of Wisconsin, we got to witness two incredible displays of Mother Nature and God's omnipotent power. My company headquarters was flooded. The city here failed to maintain sewer standards as was required and when this humongous storm hit, the sewer backed up into the office building. This destroyed all of our computers except 2. All our servers were destroyed (13 of them) and all our workstations, except 2, were destroyed.

Additionally, our backups were destroyed but we managed to recover about 60% of our data. All tallied up, we lost about $81,000 in assetts. Now this does not hurt our income, but it does hurt the 'worth' of the company. I have had to lay off the staff with the exception of key personnel to attempt recovery.

Insurance refused to pay for 3 servers that CLEARLY were electrically damaged. We are considering a lawsuit now. FEMA help was a JOKE. They promised us an SBA loan. Well, if you know ANYTHING about SBA, the interest rates are higher than most loans. The interest rate is actually HIGHER than what I can get from a bank on my own (my credit is EXCELLENT).

So when did the Federal Government go into the business of FLEECING disaster victims?

This has cost people here their jobs. It is a sad day.

FAMILY:

Our new son is not doing good. He has lost weight since birth and has failed to gain even in the month that he has been with us. He has a persistent case of jaundice and now the docs are talking about an enlarged liver. They drew more blood this morning for tests. They are planning to do a 4d ultrasound of his liver and heart. His heart has 2 gaping holes and is working 3 times as hard to deliver the needed O2 to the body.

The good news is he is an eater. He eats about every hour and averages 1.5-2.0 ounces per feeding. We hope to know more by end of day. They were talking about a possible liver biopsy.

Pray for Charles Jr. as he did nothing to deserve these trials. I am hoping for God's help on this.

We just want to be able to bring him home and raise him with the other kids we have.

New house will start soon. When completed we will have more than enough room for wives and children to grow into. Charles Jr. will have a special room next to mine.

Pray for God to help Charles Jr. He is a kind and loving God and he listens.

That is all for now. I will try to write more but as you can see I am stretched thin.

Blessings.

he's HERE!

2008-06-13T13:00:00.002-05:00

Charles Jr. is here. He came in at 7lbs and 9 oz.

His O2 saturation was a little low, so overnight he spent time in the Neonatal Intensive Care unit.

This morning he is doing good. O2 rates are up without help and he is well.

He will need heart surgery in 6 months. It is not an issue now, but when he gets older it WILL BE...so at 6 months or so, he will get a heart patch.

Things are going good for now. Thanks for the prayers folks...God listens.

pray for him......

2008-06-09T01:12:00.002-05:00

We have a son coming this Thursday.

We are praying to have it uneventful, but we are nervous. Son has heart issues. No way to tell what will happen until he is here.

Pray for him.

Hit 'em where it HURTS!

2008-05-20T23:46:00.002-05:00

At this point in time in the FLDS tragedy brought on by the CPS my thoughts are to the attornies representing the mothers and the children (or should I say THE VICTIMS in this onslaught of BIGOTRY).

You lawyers, many of you, have seen the rights violations. From reports we have, most of you are aghast of the events that have transpired in Texas.

My plea to you is help get the children back. Right now lawyers are the only 'check' that the VICTIMS have against the CPS bigotry.

On a personal note, when the legal matters are concluded you need then to consider CIVIL LAWSUITS against the CPS and the State of Texas. One thing I know about Texas government, having lived there for years, I learned that MONEY TALKS. File the lawsuits that deserve to be filed. And since they decided to group all the children and families into one HUGE CRIME, file a class action lawsuit while you are at it.

You see if common sense, human rights, the Constitution and family values cannot prevail in Texas, perhaps bankrupting the state of Texas will cure the state of it's vigilante form of law enforcement.

LET THE LAWSUITS BEGIN!

HANG 'EM HIGH! (FISCALLY SPEAKING, OF COURSE).

Most Texas citizens were horrified at the actions of the CPS. Now, because of their inaction, they will be horrified at their tax hikes.

How about that Great State of Texas! Good people, CRAZY government.

Marriages...FLDS

2008-05-19T09:57:00.002-05:00

I am not in the FLDS so I do not have that answer.

I AM an American Citizen and do know their Constitutional Rights were trampled.

Do not need a high IQ to figure out that if this is allowed, it can happen to ANYONE.

I would not shut down the CPS, but instead re-organize them and make sure there are checks and balances with them. Offenders should be prosecuted.

unbelievable injustice

2008-05-06T23:07:00.002-05:00

So with the limited contradictory evidence illegally gained by the state of Texas in the gestapo raid on the FLDS ranch, we now find no huge reason to pull all the children from their parents.

No concrete solid evidence of widespread abuse.

There is more abuse on the outside of the ranch in our 'civilized society' than on the ranch. The CPS has TRIED HARD to CONJUR up evidence where there is none...but the fact remains over 460 children were taken from their mothers, some while nursing, and all done under a veil of deceit.

Mothers and Fathers were DENIED COUNCIL by the CPS. The cell phone confiscations did that, for which the CPS and Texas had no right to do.

Bottom line is that the majority of the kids need to be returned back to their parents.

It is really sad that because of this circus, the people who actually DID break the law cannot be legally or effectively prosecuted on evidence gained from a bogus warrant.

But wait, that would be true if there were a valid Constitution in Texas. I forgot that in Texas the Constitution is DEAD.

So, let the prosecutions (executions?) BEGIN!

Is the Constitution Dead?

2008-04-10T01:45:00.002-05:00

Wow, +400 people removed from their homes by and unsubstantiated call about abuse by a man who was not there?

I do not support the underage marriages occurring within the FLDS, but with the 'law enforcement' action that has occurred in TEXAS, I have to ask. The question beckons...

IS THE CONSTITUTION DEAD?

I made the trip

2008-02-23T23:17:00.003-06:00

I went through my baptism. It was beautiful. I have made a pilgrimage and have found a wonderful experience.

I was able to make a trip to a Mormon colony. Good people generally is what I found. I have to say that it was a learning experience.

Now, back to work. Being gone 8 days has strained my budget.

The good news is I MADE IT!

I hope now to follow the Principle. What a Celestial Goal!

moving fast...

2008-01-14T00:40:00.000-06:00

Well with all the studying I have done and the work I have done, things are happening fast...

I go through my baptism and ordination in February. I am also now buying a brand new home for my wife(s) and family.

We studied several floor plans and have decided that a wonderful 5 bedroom plan is the way we will go. There are 2 master bedrooms and enough kid room for the flock.

Business has been good enough and it will be close enough to my wife's sole surviving parent for her to provide the care required to keep parent out of a nursing home.

Additionally, I am opening a second office. This is ALSO good news. I am still working very hard, but at least with good business, we are moving ahead in a fiscally responsible manner.

Maybe, JUST MAYBE God cut me a break as a reward for the faith I have and the adversity I have survived? I do not know, but for now, I take a moment to say 'Thank you God. I am truly grateful!'

We are truly blessed.

Contemplation and Decisions...

2008-01-04T21:17:00.000-06:00

Well the journey and the studies have been long. I am making my trip into the Mormon faith this year. I have studied. I have prayed. I have talked with my wife and children. I am headed for my baptism.

I guess it has been a while since I posted. Between excessive work, family crisis and all it just got back-burnered.

WOW. This is good news. My wife and I are expecting twins!

I cannot be happier than I am now. God is trying to heal the wounds in my life. I am sure of that now. I wish the wounds had never happened, but I suppose that these wounds are what make us what he truly wants us to be. Since the horrid death of my son in 1999 I have never been the same. I fight to not be cynical and to focus on the positives.

Business has picked up which is good. I have, due to this, had less family time.

I barely had a Christmas. What I had, was good. I spent it with my wife and children.

It is odd how things change in your life. I am on a path that feels right. I feel moving forward will be a time of joy, healing and happiness.

Hope you all had a good holiday. I know I did.

a time for thanksgiving

2007-11-20T11:13:00.000-06:00

Wow. STILL DRYWALLING! Thank God for my wife. She bought me a heavy duty power sander that has made it much faster.

I can say that next time I will subcontract it out for sure. I would rather take a second job to pay for it than do this again.

Well i have come to a crossing in the road...I have decided to make the plunge and convert. I am sure it is the spiritual path i need to take. There are many options and I have to focus my thoughts and prayers to recognize what is my true path.

This is difficult. One thing I do not want is to make a mistake in my journey. I fear being blinded by the glitter and losing my path.

Wonder if this makes sense to any of you. Feel free to let me know.

a GREAT WEEKEND

2007-10-28T10:05:00.000-05:00

This was a good weekend. We managed to find some time to have fun. I have continued my drywalling work upstairs. Difficult at best if you are new at it. I am finishing the master bedroom and have about 30% to go. Then when all is sanded down and baby smooth comes painting. Have to apply primer and then finish coat. It is a lot of hard work.

We decided that the Master bedroom will be baby blue. The girls room will be a light pink. Boys room will be a deeper blue, with trains as a theme.

My path towards becoming mormon has been slowed by intense work and home. I rarely find the time to do any reading, or even listening.

I am trying to get my D&C on my MP3 player so I can listen while I work, but of course, I lost the software for it. Calling Creative Labs this week to fix that. I figure if I can learn while I work I can make progress again.

Now the good news, aside from a baby on the way, is my wife MIGHT be willing to make some compromises in regards to bringing in a Second Wife. I hope to talk to her more about it today whilest we are working.

I know this much. I have been tasked with too much and I have to do something to help. My wife was overwhelmed long ago and I need to rescue her from this. The real question is, in my heart, will she let me do that? Will she let me grow celestially? Will she allow me to help her with a second wife? Will God make this happen?

Wish I could read HIS mind. I ask for your prayers. This is a turning point in our lives and it will either become far better or far worse. May God choose the better path for us. Please, ask him to.

Wow what a week!

2007-10-22T23:56:00.000-05:00

Well things improved more business wise. I am looking at potential growth all over. Record sales this month. I hope to expand my company to other areas. I am hoping God brings me the answer I pray for.

Why do I not feel joy? Why am I not feeling happiness? For me, well, I know already a second wife is a sane, logistical, spiritual and morally valid choice. I hope my wife's heart is touched by God in the same way my soul has been touched. I do not think she realizes what she is choosing.

Praying I have someone still to share that joy with. With all that Moses endured, he was blessed with a second wife. I have endured and continue to endure a great deal. Every fiber in my body calls for a second wife. I feel God is almost PUSHING me that way regardless of the currents through which I swim.

I do not understand what God has in mind...but I pray it still includes my wife. Another miracle in my life is that now we have a new child on the way. Ever been struck at exactly the same time with intense joy and intense sadness? I am immensely happy that God has given us another child, but I have trepidation about this child's future and happiness.

That, brothers and sisters, is my life today.

Vacation is over!

2007-10-09T11:03:00.000-05:00

Went to North Carolina to see the Pisgah National Forest. Whole family went. We enjoyed camping there. Peace and it was just us.

We did some hiking although with 4 kids there it was not as long as I would have liked...but we all hiked up a mountain trail to a historical graveyard. This was a family graveyard where you saw a mother and a 1 year old who died on the same day. Knowing that kind of makes you remember that it is important to appreciate what you have.

Tempus fugit, memento mori!

On that note I feel considerably better than before. I have now so much on my plate, it is almost impossible to fathom.

I am convinced God wants me to have a second wife. I am now convinced he also has placed this as a learning challenge before me. I am praying I am up to it. I am praying my wife will accept it.

sinking feeling....

2007-10-02T23:44:00.001-05:00

Well things are busy as heck. Just landed another good contract, that makes 2 this month alone. I am finally going to have a company with absolutely no debt! In America today? Who would have thought it possible?

My youngest daughter is walking now. She gives 5 minute hugs. She talks a storm. My older daughters are doing good with school. My sons are growing too fast.

Drywalling project almost done. Worst is over. Now spackling and sanding and painting are all that remain.

I go on short vacation to camp in the fall mountains with family and that is fantastic too!

Only thing is I feel a sinking sort of feeling. I feel a bit depressed. I know, I know, everything looks at face value like it is going ok. I stopped for a bit to 'look inside myself' today and found that although everything else is moving forward and making progress, I AM NOT.

I seek for our family a second wife. It is for spiritual reasons, logistical reasons and logical reasons. It is for my own personal psychology and development too. I wonder if it will happen.

Where is a relationship, without compromise.

So my question to you all is, is there a marriage where one person decides and compromise does not exist? When a relationship is dying for lack of compromise, what can you do to bring that back. I am waning. I am draining. I hope my heart makes it through this.

I feel depressed.

letting things settle...

2007-09-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

I have taken your advice and the advice of a close friend and decided to take this whole process slow. I am taking extra care and time in showing my wife how much I love her and how important she is in my life.

I am praying that she realizes she could never be replaced. I am sure she knows I love her. I am hoping that she realizes a second would not change that in any way other than to strengthen our relationship even more than it is now.

I am trying to be patient and praying almost daily for her understanding. I love her. She loves me. God please touch her with understanding.

rocks and bumps

2007-09-25T02:09:00.000-05:00

Wow, well my first wife and I have had a good turn of luck this week. We are renovating the house. We were awarded a grant that will make this 1885 house up to date in energy respects. This means new windows, gas water heater, up to date insulation and more. This is huge.

I have read your comments. They were mostly helpful.

I have to learn patience. I will continue to express love to my first wife and pray for God's help.

I have to follow my faith. Perhaps it is a lesson in patience that God is trying to teach me.

I have never been a patient man. It is one of my weaknesses.

I love my first wife. The people asking me why I need/want a second wife do not comprehend or know of the Principle. To first wives out there...keep good advice coming. I am an unusual husband....I can actually listen!

rocky road

2007-09-19T01:39:00.000-05:00

It has been a difficult week. My wife has had serious second thoughts regarding my faith and my quest for achieving the Principle.

I lost the person who I was engaged to. She, rightfully, left the scene when confronted by my first wife.

I hope this will pass. I fear it will not. I love her deeply. I pray she accepts me for who I am. On the one hand I love my wife. On the other hand, her action just ended an engagement.

God, please help me through the difficult times in my life.

Hard work and a future

2007-09-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

Well I have been working hard on home improvement. With a concensus now amount the first wife, the second wife candidate and myself, we now have a mission plan that is viable and attainable. The resources are not as solid as I would like, but then that is one of my jobs to fix. I am head of household and an engineer. I will be working on that part.

OK, gads, is there any doubt from that first paragraph that I have a military background? LOL.

I have to hang drywall. I have to re-wall the upstairs bedrooms and ceilings. The challenge is not too great. When the work is completed we will be ready to rent our house here out. The intent is to purchase a new home farther north. It will be far larger and more able to absorb our family, with 6 bedrooms 3 baths and full basements. It is a duplex. You see, what we have learned is that it is easier to raise a plural family in a duplex. Just take out the center wall...LOL. It will also be easier, when the children have mostly gone to college, to put the wall back up and to rent out the other side.

My faith studies have progressed. I was reviewing the Doctines and Covenants again, since I have come so far, I figured a little review for the sake of context would be a good thing.

I am sure of one thing. Joseph Smith was a real man and a leader. He faced adversity and did not compromise his principle beliefs and listened to what God told him to do. If you say anything about the man, that would be the most important thing. I hope to hear God one day. I have lots of questions, but then I always have been the curious one. I have several questions about my lost son.

Moving forward with God and now, a Plan.

Healing and Growing

2007-09-07T01:17:00.000-05:00

It has been a difficult week. Work has been intense. My studies slow going. Mentally today I feel some healing. Hard as it is to believe, even now I mourn the loss of my first son. It is nearly 8 years since he passed and he would be 13 right now had he lived.

I feel the life I have is growing all around me. Spiritually I am growing day by day as I start to see more and more of how God is in my life. The Healing I speak of is clear. Although I miss my son dearly, I have continued to grow and move forward. I feel deeply for those who have not. The big difference is I KNOW in my HEART that he is OK. He is in a better place. This testimony i have is based on what I have experienced with seeing God in my life now and in the lives around me.

For an engineer that lives in a black and white world of engineering facts and principles, that is a pretty big testimony.

I will strive to continue to learn more. I will strive to turn the other cheek, as Jesus did. I will not let the bigotry and flaws of man bother me in my quest to be closer to the Lord, and my son.

Joseph Smith and the past

2007-08-27T22:48:00.000-05:00

Joseph Smith and the people he spiritually led were desciminated against.

What I have learned is that Mormons are in fact Christians. Joseph Smith was a prophet contacted by God and that is not unlike what I have seen in other Christian faiths. In the Catholic Church there have been sitings of the blessed Virgin Mary. Many recent.

I know that it is hard for some Christians to accept Mormons as Christian but at this time in my study I see little dramatic difference.

Follow Christ. That is the bottom line.

I continue my path towards priesthood and mormon education.

Happiness is...

2007-08-19T17:57:00.000-05:00

...Finding that second wife, accepted by all in the family, and watching the love grow day by day.

I am engaged to a wonderful girl. She has been supportive and loving. She is going to be my second wife. I think now that I have another wonderful soul to take with me through life.

We are looking at March. She is skilled. She is sewing her own dress for the wedding. Her mother and she have teamed up on this. I know her parents are excited but it hardly measures up to what we are feeling now.

I feel giddy. My first wife looks at me and chuckles. She thinks I am funny.

As for the journey I am on studying the mormon faith, it continues. I am reading. I am learning. There is a great deal of information to be covered and learned.

Growing day by day.

Repulsed by 'Christians'

2007-08-09T02:18:00.000-05:00

Well, I have seen the bigotry against Mormon faith. I now have an IDEA of what John Smith experienced from other alledgedly Christian faiths towards Mormonism.

Do you know what triggered this? I asked some alledged Christian followers on the pro Christian Polygamy site a question. This site is proports to be a site for Christians who support polygamy. They invoke the name of Christ to promote this cause. Yet they charge you an exhorbitant rate and heavily advertise that you spend even more. So I paid them 30 pieces of silver...er, the fee they requested that is...and joined. I found self righteous narcissistic bigotry.

I was banned from posting because I tried to post a web page that addressed religious tolerance to those who were calling Mormons (all +12 million of them) cultist. Now this was a sad day for christianity. I know not all Christians are schemers and sinner like in this site, but to call Mormons cultist?

Now let's see. In a cult, if you put out a dissenting or different view you are either admonished or kicked out. If you do not follow THEIR party line, same thing happens. This has happened to me on this alledgedly Christian site.

Who is the cult here? The answer is clear.

Not mad at this site. Instead, I PITTY this site and the followers of this cult leader. I think since they breached their contract with me, I should be refunded. Since this sight is more about money than pro-polygamy work, a refund will never happen.

A sad day for Christians (including Mormons, who are ALSO Christians). A SAD, SAD day.

on my own...

2007-08-07T23:26:00.000-05:00

Well, I lost a teacher. Like MOST mormon fundamentalists, I am now on my own.

No matter, God decides my path and that will happen not for the weakness of men, but for the strength of God.

I am looking at the mormon faith. It is very complex.

Learning from the independents and on my own might be a better, less biased way to reach my personal goal of closeness with God.

I have to say one thing. I have not in my limited experience seen any real cohesion.

I am looking at different independent communities. I may find more knowledge, and the courage to teach it, there.

My journey continues.

wow...

2007-08-04T10:16:00.000-05:00

I am looking at a lot of what John Smith wrote. It must have been overwhelming to get all this information. I guess that the context of the time in which he received all this information is not too apparent.

My path towards mormonism will be a fundamental change to my life. I see, already, the bigotry of some in the other christian faiths showing up. I also see a lot of the disinformation that has been placed out there to disuade others from learning about fundamental mormonism. This is parallel to the protestant disinformation I saw about Catholicism years ago.

Oh the flaws of man.

One thing I also saw in my studies was a man who uses the cause of plural marriage and the name of God for personal purposes. I am saddened this is happening in the world.

The rode to darkness is littered with the souls of those using Gospel and God for profit.

May God have mercy. May he lead me down the path of his way. May he continue my learning.

It's time to see a professional...

2007-07-27T01:20:00.000-05:00

I have decided that the mormon faith, although I am not learned in it yet, is probably for me.

Joseph Smith, in my mind, could have had the experiences I have read about. My engineering logical side says this is possible and for anyone to openly dismiss this is wrong. You see, I do not put limits on God's power. Nor do I question his judgement. If I see fraud, I report it. I see no evidence of fraud in Joseph Smith.

Moreover, the doctrines and covenants are concise and clear.

I have decided to continue down the path. I am bringing a 'guide' on board to help me understand and to get my questions answered.

One quandry this path is putting me in is I do not believe, at this time, my loving and beautiful wife is ready for this.

I think I walk alone. The only one I love more than my wife and children is God himself. So, pray for me. Pray for her. May God keep her at my side to learn with me.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive...

2007-07-26T00:05:00.000-05:00

What was that like? Being so young and seeing God and Jesus right in front of you.

I have felt the Holy Spirit go through me like a wave. I have felt it only a few times in my life.

I am only able to imagine what it was like.

I have sought answers to my questions. In 1999 I lost my first son to leukemia. I never heard an answer as to why this happened. I have asked. Am I just not seeing it? Is the answer not there or is it hidden? If I could choose the topic in a holy meeting with God almighty, this would be on the list.

I want to ask God tonight, again, to show me his path. I seek this from God. 'Ask and ye shall receive.' My God hear my prayer.

a new turn, a good turn?

2007-07-25T01:54:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it just confounds me. I feel like the holy spirit is doing something in my life, but then it is hard to identify. The reason this is so disconcerting is my life has been full of engineering.

As an engineer you deal with many definitive things. For example, gravitational acceleration is a constant. I won't get into detail, but suffice it to say engineers deal with a lot that is black and white. Today I see what might be a ray of hope in my journey down the road. I am still exploring the mormon path.

Tonight I was working and it was busy. I talked with a friend and felt a warm wave come over me. Like a tide, rolling quickly in. Was it the Holy Spirit? It felt good. Warm and secure kind of feeling. Intangible. It was there, yet it could not be grasped. Funny how my intellectual side was concerned; it was an undefined variable in the equation of life. My spiritual side suddenly relaxed and said 'aaaaaahhhh'.

In regards to the tangibles...I may be expanding my business to a mormon community. I pray God gives me the light to see the right path.

Pray for me on my journey. Ask God to protect all that I love and guard our future.

Thanks in Advance...

going down the Mormon trail?

2007-07-23T01:16:00.000-05:00

This is about me. This is about my footsteps down a trail. I am looking at Mormonism and plural marriage.

I have a fantastic, loving wife. I have children. I have a career and can say that I have found success. Yet there is a gap in my life. I see and feel a gap.

God love her, it is not one my first wife seems able to fill. I started seeking a second wife a year ago. I started my studies into plural marriage. I love my first wife deeply...with an intensity so great, the bond could only have been forged by God.

As I studied plural marriage, the Mormon faith came into view. I am studying it now. For the most part, it seems as though it is an acceptable form of Christianity. There are differences that have provided me with answers that I did not have before.

I have to study it more, but I think it may be the path for me.

Hunkering down and studying more.